It happened. Such few years that seemed numerous pasted... And I finally gained my freedom.
When I say freedom I mean that I get a sense of dignity... My mother is not responsible for me and cannot hold me back from my true potential and aspirations. I can step up without getting punished. And really, the things that people do to you when you're underage get ridiculous. I shouldn't have to let someone scream in my face or tell me horrible things about myself and have to deal with it. I get to live life under my terms and not have to pay the price for my parents past sins and actions. I don't have to grieve anymore due to the unfairness the world has dealt me. Now, and for the rest of my life, it's my choice, my responsibility, and consequences. I've always been a person to judge myself and to know when i've made a mistake. I've graduated high school and am moving on to wonderful things for my life. I want to be that person I dreamed of when I was fifteen. At that age I had a fire, a passion to excel, to escape and run away to accomplish my dreams. But over the next few years, that passion died through certain events in life.
I almost abandoned the fellowship of the church because of a few judgmental people who didn't have a love walk. I had friends change on me, which was difficult for me. I've had many people leave me completely, but It was an alternative for the people I loved to morph before my eyes into creatures I couldn't recognize, but then some turned into just another new amazing person... The biggest thing that happened, was I had my first love.
Shane Crothers. I don't think I could ask for a more perfect peace in the world. I got to taste the love that I had dreamt of when I was a little girl, I met the man that I thought never existed. It's been eleven months since we broke up, and I still love him. True love just never dies. When I hear one of our old songs, I close my eyes, and almost always cry because I replay the most dear moments I ever had with him. Too bad we tore each apart and I didn't realize what we were doing to each other. If you ever read this Shane, I'm sorry... Still, what you did to me was wrong, but that's another story...
At 6:00 in the morning Jonas and I went to San Fran for the day. We went to the Aquarium and ate at Choppinos for lunch. I wanted to go the zoo but we'd got lost so many times, we decided not even to try. The last stop was Chinatown for some baked bow. When we got home Jonas had to go to work.. A few hours later it hit the fan. Mom freaked out. I asked her not to scream at me and I wasn't going to let her yell at me anymore. I could see she knew she had lost the grip she had since I was little, and she couldn't do anything to me anymore. She gave me the choice: Leave or stay in my authority. I left.
It was either Jonas and I stayed at a hotel or we went to my friends Grants house where I spent the day. On Christmas eve and Christmas day I was homeless, but no one knew. Jonas "friend" called him and invited us to stay at his house in Antelope with his family. It turned out to be a disaster because the only reason he let us live there is because he wanted Jonas to end up with his eighteen year old daughter. Frankie, the owner of the house, kicked us out in the rain with nowhere to go early in the morning a week later. Jonas received a call at work a few hours later saying that he could come back and live there free, if he dumped me off and got with his daughter. Ha Ha, Jonas was pissed and blocked his number. That's Jonas, he's so sweet but eats nails for breakfast. After that, we stayed at a hotel one night and I spent the day with my dad in Carmichael.
The next day I moved into my Aunt Daynas for a few days. It wasn't good. I ended up almost beating the crap out of cousin Lindsay's' big dumb indian boyfriend because he's been calling her vile names, selling drugs, smoking pot, and not taking care of his kid while living rent free in my great grandmothers house when he's not part of our family. The next day I had my cousin on the floor choking because she pushed me and tried to pull my lip ring out. This was all because my aunt and I couldn't get her vicadin (Which i'm 100% sure she was going to sell anyway) and I wouldn't let her talk to my aunt while she was driving. Bull-crap right? Wasn't good, wasn't fair, and moved out once again. I've been getting close to that side of my family lately, which I like.
I put an ad on craigslist, and had many calls about a place to stay. I prayed that God would lead me to the right place, also known as anti-crazy, peaceful, and not a hellhole. I got a call from a guy named Veer who owns a five bedroom house in Fiddyment Farm, Roseville. It was 450 rent with no deposit, I went and met with Veer and his girlfriend. We all hit it off right away and knew it was perfect for both of us. I'm not living in one of the nicest peaceful houses with great roomates... And honestly? This is only the beginning.
